Maybe I’m getting a little obsessed with my new hobby – you know, shopping for men. I’m signed into my ‘catalog’ almost all the time and am constantly checking it. Men’s faces scroll across the bottom of the home page and I’m afraid that the moment I look away, Mr. Right is going to scroll by right under my nose unnoticed. Then, I will be unloved and single forever. So…I watch and click and read and *swipe!*. Screw “hobby” – its a full time job!
But I find myself looking at all men and quickly labeling them as a *swipe!* or non-swipe. This morning i’m on the elevator in the parking garage and this guy gets on with me. He makes eye contact and says ‘good morning’. I’m thinking, “ok, points for the eye contact and adorable tilted smile. He’s a little too skinny for my taste, but he is tall, so that may even it out”. O. M. G. – I’m shopping on a parking garage elevator – rating a guy, who I then notice, is wearing a wedding ring! (Of course, in my defense, if he wasn’t for sale, he shouldn’t have made eye contact and said “good morning” – what kind of asshole does that??)
So, I finally get to my office in time to meet with my 8:00am interview for a medical assistant position I’ve been advertising. Now, in my profession, I rarely have the occasion in which I need to interview men. I am usually interviewing women for nursing positions. This time, I’d actually received a resume from a guy – an ex-army guy. That’s what this place needs – some good ol’ testosterone! So, that’s where I find myself now, sitting across the table from my applicant. This is the dialogue running in my head – I kid you not – here it is:
“Hmmm….he sure doesn’t look like an ex-army guy. I really expected him to be bigger – and older, I expected older. I think he’s too young for me. 33-34 years old, ya think? I wonder if I can tell from his resume just how old he is….hmmm…no, not seeing any dates on here that would indicate age. I wonder, since he’s so young, if he plans on having children. Oh, god, there’s no way I could start over and have kids again. I wonder if he already has children. I wonder if he has children and if they are really young. That can be such a hassle when they have young kids – oh, especially daughters. That’s always a disaster just waiting to happen. I sure as hell don’t need drama.” —- !?!?!? What am I thinking??? I’m not supposed to be shopping!!!! I’m supposed to be interviewing this guy! What is wrong with me?!?! So, I actually have to excuse myself from the room in order to collect my thoughts!
Maybe I need to take a break from the site……